The Houston Weather Experience

When I first moved to Houston... it was chaos. See, I was used to regular weather patterns. Where I was from, sure, it got a little chillier at night, we had rainy days, but it was nowhere near as wild as Houston weather.

It took me a while, but I adjusted, mostly because I just gave up trying to predict anything (forget the lottery... this is where the real risk is).

Forget summer, autumn, spring and winter. Here's the four seasons we get in Houston.

1. The Rain

The first day my family took me 20 miles out to downtown, and it rained three separate times. I remember it pouring as we left, noise, darkness and all that jazz. Then suddenly it just… stopped. A 15-year-old me was just looking out the window at the sudden brightness and clear, dry roads wondering if I’d died and not realized it. Then, like it wasn’t even a big deal, my aunt said “look back!” and I turned to look out the back of the car, and the sky was completely black in the stretch before us.

We passed a small shower again before we got to where we were going, and then the sudden stopping and starting repeated itself on the drive back.

Years later, I’ve accepted that this is normal. Rain does not play by our rules. It will stop and start whenever it pleases in Houston.

Never plan anything outdoors without expecting it. The sun is out? It doesn’t matter, Deborah, it rains in Houston when the sun is shining. It will rain on your picnic, everything will be ruined, and your kids will be crying because their sandwiches are ruined. Then what, Deborah? Then what?

2. Sorta Pleasant

These are days where it'll be 75 degrees and pleasantly sunny, with maybe a light breeze if we're lucky.

Never count on these days. They are extremely rare.

The majority of the pleasant days we get are just "sorta pleasant." Maybe we'll only get rained on once (I told you, Deborah, it rains here when the sun is out). Maybe we'll get 75 degrees but the humidity will be stifling.

Either way, we love our "sorta pleasant" days. Those are the days that my skin is clear, my hair is shinier and derivatives finally make sense to me.

3. The Cold

Discounting this year where it didn’t get cold at all (I’m looking at you, global warming), Houston will mess you up with the cold.

If it feels kind of chilly when you leave the house and you think, hey, I can get away without a jacket... think again. As soon as the sun sets, your teeth will be chattering away, your fingers will be numb, and then you’ll wish you’d picked up that pretty leather jacket on your way out.

And don’t even get me started on the windy days.

See, in Houston, we get such hot weather year round that we tend to not take the cold very seriously. We think, it won’t get that cold. But it does, and then we’re surprised and unprepared for it every single time. It gets cold, some days it gets windy, and then you can even taste the cold.

It’s great. Always a blast.

3. The Heat

Well, winter is over. School’s out, and it’s time to relax out in the sun, right?


Unless your idea of fun is getting sunburned to the max and sweating your body’s entire supply of water out, don’t even think about going out. Seriously, Deborah, if it’s a degree over 75, don’t even try it. I guarantee at least two of your kids are going get sunburned and your tan will be ruined and it just will not be worth it. Just get the kids an inflatable pool, and toss the picnic basket in the garage.

Now, for reasons beyond me, some of you actually like going out in 80-degree weather? Everyone will be at six flags and parks, while the sun is sweltering down on them, and they’ll be there willingly. I don’t understand, don’t you guys love yourselves?

It’s hot. I can’t put it in simpler terms. Summers in Houston are hot.

May to August, don’t even talk to me. Until school starts again, I’ll be in my room with the air conditioning on blast, eating ice cream for all three meals and protecting my precious hair from humidity’s evil clutches.

But yes, if you’re planning on going to visit or moving to Houston, good luck. Pack everything you have in terms of clothes and pray the weather behaves. If you live in Houston and still manage to survive the weather, props to you.

Whatever your situation, don’t think you can ever predict Houston weather. And most importantly, don’t be Deborah.

(Deborah is a fictional character who just isn't used to Houston weather and is trying her best. Maybe, there's a Deborah in all of us.)

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